2 Peter 1:5-8

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Wow.. i have read these verses before, but they struck me more today. Why you might wonder? Well, because at the start of Lent, I said to myself I was giving up men as this year’s “sacrifice” to get closer to Christ during these days. That included thinking about, talking to (in a more than friends manner), spending time with, men.

I made this decision because I had been dating guys just out of thoughts like this one: “Who knows? Maybe he could be the one. I’ll give him a chance and get to know him better.” And then i get bored… and it ends up as just another disappointment. So I realized that I’d been wasting too much time trying to make things work with guys that I wasn’t really interested in in the first place, instead of focusing on my Lord. I’ve also come to realize that the moment that I meet the right guy, I won’t have to wonder so much, nor force myself to try it out just to see what comes out of it. I don’t think that’s how true love works.

There was a time when I had stopped believing in love altogether, after going through so many hardships with my parents’ situation. I said to myself, “If my dad could do that to my mom, then love is crap. There is no such thing as a soulmate, as true love. It’s all a faux.” And so I went along with that thought until I completely believed it.

But when my brother met his now wife, they taught me different. I have never seen a love so true before, EVER. What an amazing love they share since day one. It’s as if they were truly made for each other. It’s as if the sole purpose of my brother being born was to be her husband, and hers was to be his wife. They are perfect together, and I didn’t think I’d ever believe anything would be perfect. Thank God for them, because thanks to them, I started hoping and believing in true love again. They never forced anything; Things just happened. She was always herself, he was always himself, flaws and everything. And belieeeeve me, they have MANY flaws, that I’d think, “Huh? How can she love this about him? Is she freaking crazy?” and also, “What the heck? He puts up with all of that? How can he be so patient? How did he just hug her after that? Huuuuh?” It’s really quite funny. And AMAZING. I want that. I want exactly that. I want a man who will love me for what and who I am. Which brings me to this quote from a movie I watched a while back:

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass behind. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” 🙂

Anywho, back to the subject of this post haha. The reason why these verses struck me more now than before is because I’ve broken that promise I made at the start of Lent. Didn’t plan it, never expected it, didn’t think much of it, and before I knew it, I was starting to talk with this guy whose name I won’t mention. Sigh.

… make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness...” 

Self control…. Perseverance…. Godliness… so hard to apply these. Why is it so hard for me? These are the times when I have a bit of a wake up call. It’s as if God is saying to me, “Hey! Vanessa! I’m here! Don’t forget about me, you said you’d give me more time. You promised. I want your attention! Hello!”

God knows all I want is true love. He knows more than anyone could ever know, how much I long to love and be loved in return by the RIGHT man.

Thank You, Lord, for you never forget about me, no matter how many times I forget about You. You, unlike imperfect me, keep your promises. I love You so much, and I am so blessed to be able to realize this. Thank You for loving me for me, good times, bad times, very bad times, and very very bad times. Your Love is what truly sustains me. Your Love is what teaches me patience and discipline. Thank You for breaking me down and reminding me what truly matters.

Which brings me to this song again: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5_Z3ZZYLDc

“I am sweetly broken…”

To anyone who reads this, I pray God blesses each and everyone of you richly.